1. smell of smoldering sage
2. Sailor as wild lion lady with brown pie slice left eye
hello again everyone. it’s been a while. things within me have been cloudy at best. i’ve recently been reading a book call One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp-in fact i believe it has been my salvation. the book invites the reader to enter into eucharisteo. in other words, learning to be thankful. i’m seeking grace, joy, thankfulness. a life that is full. a life that is alive. i want to live!
i’ve been feeling stuck since we arrived back in new orleans. i feel cut off. removed….from myself. my soul had become shriveled, dried up. i was a husk of my former self. hell, i’m pretty sure i had forgotten who i was and who i wanted to be. in short, i had given up. and then i remembered this book that a friend let me borrow oh so long ago and my eyes began to open. i could finally see! i began making a list of 1000 gifts that i receive from God and that i am thankful for. anything, everything. i decided to open my eyes….all of them (eyes, ears, fingers, toes, mouth, and nose) in order to really receive all that the world is offering. all that God offers freely every day.
the list began slowly, but gained momentum like a rollercoaster downhill in no time. it has been 10 days, and i’ve almost reached one hundred things i’m thankful for. i feel like i can finally breathe. look around and instead of thinking of what i haven’t got, see what is available for free. and man, is it beautiful!
also, i have convinced my husband to share this blog. from this point forward it will begin to be brutally honest, and painful, and heavy. and beautiful, and fun, and lively. i hope to utilize this blog to open myself up to receive God’s grace and this blog will hopefully be my mirror, and recorder. i need to find what it is that i am supposed to be doing with my life. not what i want to do, or what i think i should do, but what God is trying to do, what He is doing. where this road will lead, and the trials and tribulations that occur in order for me to get there. so far, it has been an uphill battle. i have been depressed and exhausted and stressed and worried. and now, i hope to begin to trust and believe and have faith and walk without obstructing myself. i think i am leading myself in wrong directions. i need to start listening. trusting. loving. and remembering that God gives me a gift every day, upon waking. and that is enough. i’m just glad i am beginning to thank him out loud for the other things he gives freely…especially grace.
Lord, fill me up with your presence. Split me open and empty me out so that I may be full to bursting, so I may spill out onto others. Please help me to find joy in doing your work and in finding my place. Help me to be silent, for my nerves to be still long enough to hear you and please motivate me to answer your call. Amen.