a phone call

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#2. so in my missing of friends i called one of my dearest yesterday. jeremy and i have seen each other at our worst through drug abuse death broken relationships and spitual destitution. in many ways hes my brother from another mother. i didnt call to commiserate i called to catch up but something happens when you share a life of suffering and can be honest about it. i wiped the tears away as we prayed for one another over the phone. i told him that my prayers have looked more like me scolding god these days in that i have recently more or less challenged god to come and save me. he reminded me of david and how many of the psalms were not happy or even reverent but that when david was in a pinch and didnt feel like he was getting anywhere that he started yelling and praying for serious curses on not only his enemies but their families livestock and really anyone in the general vicinity. i think sometimes we think that if we’re brutally honest with god hes going to turn a blind eye like a friend we’ve severely offended. he also reminded me of jacob wrestling the angel and walking away with a limp because of his own stubborness and i think sometimes that my limp is coming however i wont stop being honest with god as depressing as it is sometimes. to pray without ceasing means in the good times as well as the bad. jeremy said his biggest advice was to keep being honest in my prayer life and even though i know this to be true and that god knows anyway i so many times just get mad that he knows and seemingly is doing nothing in my eyes.

 

God, please help my unbelief. i am yours to do with what you will. please be with my brother and his family through these trials. You know our hearts are in deep longing to see you in every facet of our lives as shitty as things may be at the moment. we love you and may we sing of your rescue in the coming days. Amen

“and i thank christ jesus our lord who has enabled me because he counted me faithful putting me into ministry although i was formally a blasphemer a persecutor and an insolent man but i obtained mercy because i did it ignorantly in unbelief. and the grace of our lord was exceedingly abundant with faith and love which are in christ jesus. this is a faithful saying and worthy of all exceptance that christ jesus came into the world to save sinners of whom i am the chief. however for this reason i obtained mercy that in me first jesus christ might show all longsuffering as a pattern to those who are going to believe on him for eternal life. now to the king eternal immortal invisible to god who alone is wise be honor and glory forever and ever . amen  1 timothy 1:12-17

hope and encouragement be yours, zach

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About sailorsrevenge

I'm a wife to an amazing man who constantly challenges me to seek out my better self. I'm also a mother to a daughter who reminds me what it means to tilt my head to stained glass, in other words, how to see the world as an incredible organism to be dissected and absorbed. I'm striving to find a balance between homemaker and independent woman. Knitting, blowing bubbles, learning to live sustainably, laying tambourines, dancing, whispering, cooking strange and delightful concoctions, and laughing loudly & often are nonnegotiables in this journey!

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