if you wanna rock n’ roll……and be pregnant in New Orleans during the hottest months of the year! This pregnancy is so different from when I was pregnant with Sailor. For one, all I crave is sweets, which is not in my nature in general. And two, I actually have a baby belly this go round, which is awesome! But with great choices, comes great responsibility and boy am I learning that!
I am terribly tired. I am working a lot and that is helpful and awesome and rewarding for me, but….I am tired. Also, I feel like I do not have a support system here. Once again, we are trapped in a world where everything is exciting and new and there are precious few to share those feelings with. I feel out of my element. I wish it was easier, and then I remember that life isn’t always easy, or expected, or even fair.
I wonder if my expectations are monumental, or if they are, in fact, elementary and there is just noone to fulfill the roles for which they have been created. Am I expecting too much, or receiving too little? Am I selfish? Is it hormones? Oh, the peaks and valleys they call pregnancy.
I created an Amazon baby registry this week, but I am not even sure why. I feel selfish for asking for help. Needy. But then, I think, everyone else does it….why not dream of things that others dream. Why not want? And the wanting always brings guilt, so in retrospect, maybe it is a bad idea.
Alright, I have decided that tonight may not be the best of nights for blogging. I will try again later this week. I am too wound up with emotion and the new Ben & Jerry Red Velvet Cake ice cream is calling my name. So here’s to sugar induced comas.