It’s a long way to the top….

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if you wanna rock n’ roll……and be pregnant in New Orleans during the hottest months of the year!  This pregnancy is so different from when I was pregnant with Sailor.  For one, all I crave is sweets, which is not in my nature in general.  And two, I actually have a baby belly this go round, which is awesome!  But with great choices, comes great responsibility and boy am I learning that!

I am terribly tired.  I am working a lot and that is helpful and awesome and rewarding for me, but….I am tired.  Also, I feel like I do not have a support system here.  Once again, we are trapped in a world where everything is exciting and new and there are precious few to share those feelings with.  I feel out of my element.  I wish it was easier, and then I remember that life isn’t always easy, or expected, or even fair.

I wonder if my expectations are monumental, or if they are, in fact, elementary and there is just noone to fulfill the roles for which they have been created.  Am I expecting too much, or receiving too little?  Am I selfish?  Is it hormones? Oh, the peaks and valleys they call pregnancy.

I created an Amazon baby registry this week, but I am not even sure why.  I feel selfish for asking for help.  Needy.  But then, I think, everyone else does it….why not dream of things that others dream.  Why not want?  And the wanting always brings guilt, so in retrospect, maybe it is a bad idea.

Alright, I have decided that tonight may not be the best of nights for blogging.  I will try again later this week.  I am too wound up with emotion and the new Ben & Jerry Red Velvet Cake ice cream is calling my name. So here’s to sugar induced comas.

 

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About sailorsrevenge

I'm a wife to an amazing man who constantly challenges me to seek out my better self. I'm also a mother to a daughter who reminds me what it means to tilt my head to stained glass, in other words, how to see the world as an incredible organism to be dissected and absorbed. I'm striving to find a balance between homemaker and independent woman. Knitting, blowing bubbles, learning to live sustainably, laying tambourines, dancing, whispering, cooking strange and delightful concoctions, and laughing loudly & often are nonnegotiables in this journey!

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